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Julie wrote to me through the GetOutOfDebt.org site and asked the following question. If you have a credit or debt question you’d like to ask just use the online form. I’m happy to help you totally for free.

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“Dear Steve,

My husband and I have been married for seven years now. We have two kids. He travels a lot and when he comes home he says he is tired and just needs time alone. I’ve discovered that he is ordering a lot of pay per view porn movies when he is home and last month is cost us almost $400 just for that.

He does not let me look at the bills but I got a peak at a recent one and I noticed some charges on it that looked like they might be porn.

We struggle to get by even though he makes good money. I know he works hard but I think we will go bankrupt because of his addiction to porn.

Julie”

Dear Julie,

Let’s recognize this for what it is, an overuse of a thing, to fill a void or create a desired feeling or escape a mental state. For your husband, his imbalance is in looking at pornography. For other people it might be spending more than they can afford on baseball cards, shoes, cosmetics, or whatever.

The issue here is that this is not first a financial problem. It is an emotional imbalance that needs to be treated by a counselor that is experienced in these matters. I would urge you to ask your medical provider if they know someone local that can help and then you can talk to them by yourself first to come up with a game plan on the best way to approach the situation.

I had a client once that had a similar situation. When he would come home on the weekends from driving a truck, he would purchase hundreds and hundreds of dollars of porn movies that he and his wife really could not afford. And while there is no doubt that he was seemingly addicted to porn I persuaded him to call his local cable company and see if there was a package deal for porn that would save him from paying for every movie. He was able to reduce his porn bill by $300 a month.

I’m not advocating that you help to continue his addiction but what I am saying is that if he is not willing to get help or not ready, at least by taking some actions you can help to reduce the financial impact of the porn abuse.

If the credit card he is hiding is a joint account then you deserve to see the statements. Contact the credit card company and see what you can do to get online access to all your joint accounts so you can see what is being charged.

If you find a lot of online charges, then I think you should have a frank conversation with him about how you feel his porn addiction is impacting you and your family and that you want to immediately lower the cost of porn by shopping around for better online deals so it minimizes the cost of porn online.

Let me be perfectly clear, his addiction to porn, strippers, hookers, or whatever is a real psychological situation that needs to be treated by a professional, if he is willing to get help. If he is not ready to get help yet, then for the sake of your monthly finances, do everything you can to be a frugal porn shopper and lower the costs immediately.

Big hug.

Steve

Source: Julie Says “My Husband Is Addicted To Porn And We Are Going Broke Because Of It”

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Source: Julie Says “My Husband Is Addicted To Porn And We Are Going Broke Because Of It”

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