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Is this an article about hookers, hos, prostitutes and street walkers you might be wondering? Especially since I just posted a follow-up blog about strippers and money management, that might be a logical assumption. The short answer, is that actually this is an article more about your girlfriend, wife, husband or lover than earning money through selling sex.
I saw this bit this morning and it made me think about the relationship about money and sex.
“British legislation is calling for the removal of the word “prostitute” from criminal statutes. The term has been around for 180 or so years, but in July the Justice Ministry argued that the word carries too much social stigma. Ministry officials are pushing to replace it with the phrase “persons who sell sex persistently,” which is defined as twice or more within a three-month period. And the bill would do more than just play with nouns: It would decriminalize less frequent selling of sex and introduce new measures to try to get sex workers out of the industry.â€?
Interesting approach, especially since the escorting business (and I’m not talking about this type of escorting) in the UK appears to be huge with websites and even at least one motorway (on the M 56) billboard I saw while going to visit an Insolvency Practitioner to talk about the latest trends in Individual Voluntary Arrangements (IVA), for an escorting site. No, not an IVA for an escorting site, I saw a billboard for an escorting site.
This is actually an article about sexually transmitted debt, a new type of STD. Sexually transmitted debt occurs in one of the following fashions:
You incur debt in order to impress or to maintain a relationship.
I’ve worked with many people over the years, lesbian, gay, GBLT, hetrosexual and homosexuals couples that have all made a classic mistake of spending money they did not have in order to impress or maintain a relationship.
The most memorable stories were of a CEO that had $175,000 of credit card debt and he was barely making it from month to month. He came to me for advice and coaching and when I asked him if his wife knew he said, “Fuck no, I’ve she knew she would leave me.� Nice. Now there is a relationship with a solid foundation.
He latter told me that she intercepted a collection call and told him that “Unless you make this go away I am leaving you if you can’t tale care of me as you should.�
I think that ranks right up there with the guy that told me that he just lost the love of his life because he felt he could not tell her what his credit report looked like. You would have hoped that after having been engaged for seven years that hurdle could have been crossed.
Anyway, on the other side of the sexual coin I’ve worked with many women that have become involved in co-dependent relationships with guys that had to know they were taking advantage of the woman. We jokingly called them the “Bad Boys of Myvesta�.
This has typically been women that insist on paying for everything or buying loads of stuff in order to keep the relationship going. The two most memorable situations were with one heterosexual couple and one lesbian couple. Both couples found themselves in deep financial holes for no other reason than one partner was afraid the other would leave so they kept spending.
You incur debt and lie or hide it from your partner or spouse.
I realize that I’ve mentioned a lot about sexual orientation in this article but it really isn’t material to the underlying issues that lead to bad debt other than I wanted you to see that these things happen to everyone.
In the hiding debt category, the case that stands out most in my mind was a husband and wife we had on a speakerphone call going over their financial situation. I asked an innocent question that accidental opened a can of stuff that nobody saw on the shelf.
“So what is this mobile phone bill for someone named Carol for?�, I said.
“I dunno�, said the husband. “Janet, honey do you know.�
Long pause.
“Janet?�
“It’s for my girlfriends phone that I pay for cause she can’t�, Janet said.
An article in the UK did a good job of covering this issue and showing you how it is not a limited affair. The article “Millions Hide Their Debts from Spouseâ€? revels that “Over a fifth of the general public hide secret debts from their partners, adversely affecting their credit rating in the process, according to one of the country’s three main credit agencies, Equifax.â€? The article estimated that about one in three people in the 40 year age range hides debts from their spouse or partner. It happens.
You intentionally take on debt for partner and a spouse.
Sexually transmitted debt also happens when one partner intentionally takes on the debt of the other but there are unintended consequences.
Two cases come to mind. The first was a very nice your woman that had saved and saved and purchased her car, a Ford Mustang, for cash. She and her boyfriend went to the used car lot to buy a car for him. His credit was so bad that he could not get the loan. She pledged her new car as collateral for his loan. The last she saw of him was when he drove his new car off the lot. She latter lost her car to repossession to pay for the dudes car.
The other case was one where the wife came home and said “You know, we should transfer my credit card debt to your cards because you’ve got a better interest rate. They did and the next day she left him. Devious, but ingenious.
So beware of the sexually transmitted debt. It occurs for many reasons but as you can see, none of them have to do with bad bank or credit card company behavior.
To practice safe debt the best way to protect yourself is with awareness. Make sure that you get a copy of your credit report (UK credit report | US credit report) at least once a year and sit down with it together.
And for honest practical advice, I always recommend that the couple sit down with each other and come clean about the debt situation. If you can’t be open, honest and supportive about money between you, how solid is the relationship to begin with? Besides, 99% of the time what happens is a frost develops immediately after the revelation but a warming thaw occurs a few days latter. In this case, often love does concur all.
(Photo by mistytaylor)
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creditdebtlife.com - great domain name for blog like this)))